31: day 15

31 days of gratitude. Day 15.

Heads up: Womyn's bodies and "body image"...
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Today I cut out the breast padding in my dress. I didn't see the need for it, other than making my breasts look slightly padded/larger, and it was getting kinda crumply in the wash. So, snip snip.

When I was thirteen I would've sewn the padding *in* to make my cup A breasts look like a B cup. I would've been convinced that I was just filling in the gap until my adult breasts grew in. Turns out "adult" breasts can look just like puberty-cusp breasts.

In my teens, I thought I had to make up for my breast size in all kinds of ways. I told myself, that if my breasts were smaller, at least I was an XS size zero everywhere else, at least I could be reassured by a narrow fashion beauty standard. Then I became a size 2 and then a size 4, 5, sometimes a 6. So I found out that maybe I was "pear" shaped. Well, at least I could dress for that. The internet gave me all kinds of ways to make my thighs look slimmer and ways to frill-up my bust to "flatter" this pear shape and hide "problem areas." Shopping for clothes became about the pear shape rules. Dark bottoms, pattern tops, boat-neck cuts, blah, blah, blah. I stopped wearing anything tight against my stomach.... Fast forward a few years later... I stopped giving as much of a fuck.

I am grateful I don't feel the same need to hide or "enhance" my body. I am grateful for the color pink, summer dresses, hiking sandals, and silk scarves.