Words

There are people who seem wise because they have something to say about everything. 
and there are the people who seem wise because they say nothing and sit there nodding or grinning enigmatically. 

Falling in the middle of these two archetypes, I speak just enough to make noise, and not enough to generate conversation, comfort someone at the right time, or propel my own thoughts. 

Whether it's philosophy, small talk, or Q&A after a panel I'm sometimes feel at a loss for coherent, appropriate, and topic or person attuned dialogue. 

Today I made a beautiful mistake in class that reminded me of why I should be cautious about opening my mouth. In terms of my favorite metaphor, the swinging pendulum, that also tracks the elusive LOST island, I've swung from gabber-mouthed childhood and adolescent expressiveness when I barely processed the words in my mind let alone paid attention to them as they verbally slipped out or how they were received to my current lack of processing but heightened self-conscious young adulthood. Today I ventured to speak because sometimes I'm compelled out of habit to fill silence for the sake of it. Still waters are just too suspiciously peaceful or really my pseudo-profound comments make more of bang when my audience members' palettes are prepped and cleansed with a dramatic pause. 

Sign 1 that my class participation was not going well: struggling to recall an anonymous quote. How can I convey the utterly failed pretentiousness?  

Sign 2: no reference to my comment after I made it. Although most student mini-monologues are dropped into the well of discussion, only to be laboriously drawn out by the professor if at all.

Sign 3: falling prey to the temporary delusion that what I had to say was relevant and insightful.

I once read on a scrap of paper taped to a nun's desk something like "the hardest of languages to learn is the language of silence," which was too bad because this nun was the lifeline connecting me to sanity via human verbal interaction (goat verbal interaction was another thread). What I'm trying to say is this is a woman whose voice I depended on. In my opinion she could never talk too much. I could've listened to her for hours. Maybe I should have that quote tattooed onto my arm as a reminder, but not her.

A priest once gave a sermon of St. Francis' advice to "Preach the gospel. Sometimes use words." The quote implies the importance of actions. The priest however emphasized that the point is not to discredit words. Words have their purpose, just because they're not always used well, does not mean we (I mean I, I'm totally giving myself a pep talk in case you didn't notice) should not give up on them.

There is a time and a place for words. The more you use them, perhaps the more likely you'll hit the mark.